Post by ✨ ωιѕт ✨ on May 29, 2017 2:56:35 GMT
Some more:
When you ask Thrushfeather what it is with kittypets and RiverClan, she says, "But I heard that few got slaughtered." I think you meant, "But I heard that a few got slaughtered."
Thrushfeather says, "She leads RiverClan in a very agressive way." 'Agressive' should be 'aggressive.'
When you ask Thrushfeather how Clan ranks work, she says, "There are eight ranks in Clan: Kit, Apprentice, Warrior, Queen, Elder, Medicine Cat, Deputy and Leader." It would probably be better if she said, "There are eight ranks in every Clan: kit, apprentice, warrior, queen, elder, medicine cat, deputy, and leader."
Thrushfeather says, "When mentor and leader think that apprentice is worthy, they are named a warrior." It should say, "When a mentor and a leader that an apprentice is worthy, they are named a warrior."
Thrushfeather says, "Leader chooses the deputy who organizes everyday tasks in the Clan." It should be, "The leader choose the deputy, who organizes everyday tasks in the Clan."
Thrushfeather says, "When leader dies, the deputy succeeds him." It should say, "When the leader dies, the deputy succeeds him."
Thrushfeather says, "Medicine cat picks an apprentice when he finds a suitable cat for the task." It'd likely sound better if she said, "A medicine cat picks an apprentice when he finds a suitable cat for the task."
Thrushfeather says, "Medicine cat apprentice becomes a full medicine cat when the current medicine cat thinks they are worthy." It would sound better if it said, "The medicine cat apprentice becomes a full medicine cat when the current medicine cat thinks that they are worthy."
Thrushfeather says, "Clan rewards their past hard work, by taking care of them in their old age." It'd sound better to say, "The Clan rewards their past hard work by taking care of them in their old age."
Thrushfeather says, "But I want you to show our borders first." I think you meant, "But I want to show you our borders first."
Thrushfeather says, "There are lots of thickets and brambles around, the prey is always hiding somewhere in there." I dont believe the comma should be there.
Thrushfeather says, "Thankfully that didn't happen in a while." It should say, "Thankfully, that hasn't happened in a while."
Thrushfeather says, "-Character's name- seems to enjoy -gender-self." It should say, "-character- seems to be enjoying -gender-self."
Slackfur says, "I fear it may be one of these that killed Larktail. But let's hope it will stay ShadowClan problem." It should be, "I fear it may be one of those that killed Larktail, but let's hope it will stay ShadowClan's problem."
Thrushfeather says, "It seems like we can approach safely the ShadowClan border." It should be, "It seems like we can approach the ShadowClan border safely."
Thrushfeather says, "The other side of the stream is rich in herbs, which is why we often see Pebbleskip, their medicine cat around here." It should say, "The other side of the stream is rich in herbs, which is why we often see Pebbleskip, their medicine cat, around here."
Thrushfeather says, "Swamp on their territory is a home to a great number of herbs." It should be, "The swamp on their territory is home to a great number of herbs."
Thrushfeather says, "Medicine cats are not usually bound by the seperation of the Clans." 'Seperation' should be 'separation.'
Thrushfeather says, "But it's humiliating to be dependant on another Clan all the time." 'Dependant' should be 'dependent.'
Thrushfeather says, "This is the last part of ShadowClan border." It should be, "This is the last part of the ShadowClan border."
When Nightkit and Eaglekit say, "Hi -character name-." They should say, "Hi, -character name-."
When Applefang says, "-Character- is an apprentice. Soon, you too, will be apprentices.", the last sentence should be, "Soon, the two of you will be apprentices." There are obviously a few correct variations for that sentence; that's just one!
--
That's all, for now!!
When you ask Thrushfeather what it is with kittypets and RiverClan, she says, "But I heard that few got slaughtered." I think you meant, "But I heard that a few got slaughtered."
Thrushfeather says, "She leads RiverClan in a very agressive way." 'Agressive' should be 'aggressive.'
When you ask Thrushfeather how Clan ranks work, she says, "There are eight ranks in Clan: Kit, Apprentice, Warrior, Queen, Elder, Medicine Cat, Deputy and Leader." It would probably be better if she said, "There are eight ranks in every Clan: kit, apprentice, warrior, queen, elder, medicine cat, deputy, and leader."
Thrushfeather says, "When mentor and leader think that apprentice is worthy, they are named a warrior." It should say, "When a mentor and a leader that an apprentice is worthy, they are named a warrior."
Thrushfeather says, "Leader chooses the deputy who organizes everyday tasks in the Clan." It should be, "The leader choose the deputy, who organizes everyday tasks in the Clan."
Thrushfeather says, "When leader dies, the deputy succeeds him." It should say, "When the leader dies, the deputy succeeds him."
Thrushfeather says, "Medicine cat picks an apprentice when he finds a suitable cat for the task." It'd likely sound better if she said, "A medicine cat picks an apprentice when he finds a suitable cat for the task."
Thrushfeather says, "Medicine cat apprentice becomes a full medicine cat when the current medicine cat thinks they are worthy." It would sound better if it said, "The medicine cat apprentice becomes a full medicine cat when the current medicine cat thinks that they are worthy."
Thrushfeather says, "Clan rewards their past hard work, by taking care of them in their old age." It'd sound better to say, "The Clan rewards their past hard work by taking care of them in their old age."
Thrushfeather says, "But I want you to show our borders first." I think you meant, "But I want to show you our borders first."
Thrushfeather says, "There are lots of thickets and brambles around, the prey is always hiding somewhere in there." I dont believe the comma should be there.
Thrushfeather says, "Thankfully that didn't happen in a while." It should say, "Thankfully, that hasn't happened in a while."
Thrushfeather says, "-Character's name- seems to enjoy -gender-self." It should say, "-character- seems to be enjoying -gender-self."
Slackfur says, "I fear it may be one of these that killed Larktail. But let's hope it will stay ShadowClan problem." It should be, "I fear it may be one of those that killed Larktail, but let's hope it will stay ShadowClan's problem."
Thrushfeather says, "It seems like we can approach safely the ShadowClan border." It should be, "It seems like we can approach the ShadowClan border safely."
Thrushfeather says, "The other side of the stream is rich in herbs, which is why we often see Pebbleskip, their medicine cat around here." It should say, "The other side of the stream is rich in herbs, which is why we often see Pebbleskip, their medicine cat, around here."
Thrushfeather says, "Swamp on their territory is a home to a great number of herbs." It should be, "The swamp on their territory is home to a great number of herbs."
Thrushfeather says, "Medicine cats are not usually bound by the seperation of the Clans." 'Seperation' should be 'separation.'
Thrushfeather says, "But it's humiliating to be dependant on another Clan all the time." 'Dependant' should be 'dependent.'
Thrushfeather says, "This is the last part of ShadowClan border." It should be, "This is the last part of the ShadowClan border."
When Nightkit and Eaglekit say, "Hi -character name-." They should say, "Hi, -character name-."
When Applefang says, "-Character- is an apprentice. Soon, you too, will be apprentices.", the last sentence should be, "Soon, the two of you will be apprentices." There are obviously a few correct variations for that sentence; that's just one!
--
That's all, for now!!